im pretty sure bromance is the perfect example of how embarrassingly fragile masculinity is. you know what a female bromance is called? a friendship
People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t
Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”
And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”
THIS EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE 40x BETTER THAN MY ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE SEX ED CLASS.
goodbye friends i am gone and I AM TAKING EVERYTHING WITH ME
Now I know.
i have unlimited texting and i only text 3 people ever i think my phone company looks at my bill and just laughs
sorry i’m late, professor. im disenchanted with the human experience and waking up every morning thrusts me into an instant existential crisis
*jim kirk voice* YOOOO
*simultaneous spock and mccoy voice* NO
if i was a ghost id help little kids with math and throw vases at mean people
if you were a twin in ancient rome they would name the firstborn and then name the secondborn after the firstborn
if your older twin’s name was geminus, your name would be anti-geminus
that is the equivalent of naming your children steve and not steve
drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious and, most importantly, drunk.
I have a really hot waiter.Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.
wanna know what these all say?
"suck his dick"